wade in my pool

2005-12-23T23:03:00.000+08:00

these are pictures from grad night( 20 something november)... did i mention i dyed my hair?

2005-12-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

you know how i keep thinking i will marry all these guys like raul and beckham and guti and eminem and any cute married/freaking old guys on tv and stuff and we think SHIT theyre married and olddddd(like 30+ only) so we cant do anything about it. well now.... NOW.. now.. hahaha.. welll well well. nothing la.

i love my job la. well not the job exactly but the people and the environment but most of these people who work at the airport are nice BUT have very WEIRDD idiosyncracies. freaking weird. i think ruby will vouch for that. i dont know where it comes from though. by the way.. my pay is like 800 bucks after cpf deduction and shit and guess what, im left with 95 bucks now. wow. in two days i managed to spend EVERY SINGLE FREAKING CENT.

i was supposed to buy nithya something for her birthday but i totally cant afford it now.. i feel so bad because we didnt celebrate her birthday.. sorry baby! we'll make it up to you.

anyway i have a phone now(its the same model as Em's(my colleague and good friend who happens to look like archie andrews) so he's gonna kill me for k-poing) but i havent got a line in yet.

anyway today we went to excelsior and penin plaza and ive not gone there for a longgggggggg time. i think the last time was with munhana. hana's happily enjoying the sun and the sea in bangkok(i know they dont have the sea there, shut up)... and kuching which is a relatively weird place to go on holiday. we'll have the raving report when she cometh back.

i love gay guys. theyre just so much fun. the way they touch you and yet you feel youve not been taken advantage of because theyre just so safe and cute and CUTEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! hahahhaa...

2005-12-17T18:39:00.000+08:00

i cant wait to watch memoirs of a geisha. :)

2005-12-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

hello fire-ends. i'd convinced myself that i wouldnt blog anymore because of the apparent redundantness of it but sometimes i feel like blogs are just like people that just listen and listen. haha.
okay so anyway whats been happening with all of you man. i've been out forking a life out for myself working at the airport. in transit. the fun thing about is.. everything. i mean seriously.. about 85% of the working population in the airport is made up of malays and where malays are, you know thats where the hype is. yeah. its exciting because its a job AND a social life. the pay is not mind-blowing though. you could earn more as a low-class hooker at Changi i bet. but where theres a boon, theres a bane right? the bane of this job is that you have to deal with passengers who have international poles up their rich arses. i've had so many passengers shouting(spitting more likely) into my face because of things that are so not my fault.

2005-11-18T18:47:00.000+08:00

hello. oh my god i cant believe this is happening to me. you know i was supporting turkey for world cup right? well guess freaking what. they didnt even qualify. they lost to switzerland man.. switzerland. which goes to show that i am a freaking jinx to them. sorry turkey people. i really wish one day singapore will make it to the world cup so instead of having to support a country you have no kin to, you can support your own people. i'd relish that day to no end when(not if) it comes.
ok so i have to change the country im supporting right... so im going to support............................ GERMANY!!!! although it'd be so much easier to support spain because i have a spain jersey AND i support a spanish club.

GOOD LUCK YOUNG LIONS!!! I HOPE YOU ALL WIN THE SEA GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND AND AND... this sunday, the biggest battle in spanish soccer will be under way.. REAL MADRID VS BARCELONA!!! i am so holding my breath. good luck REAL!!

2005-10-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

okay im sorry but i HAVE GOT TO SAY... beckham is getting better and better.... these past few weeks especially. not international football you may argue but in the spanish league, he has been in the build up in almost all goals. yay for him.

2005-10-02T22:35:00.000+08:00

uh. there is something REALLY wrong with blogger. well hello zildren! this is yor aunt elga from norvay!
GOAL, ze movie is IRISH! my irish eyes are asmilin' !!! i love ze irish accent. zey have no notion of vat punctuation means and zat my love iz divine. simplicity zat iz. :)
thanks to ml jk and members for the awesome farewell.
i love you satoishini even though you nag like a mother... motherF. that is. haha.
jon yang you're still sexy as ever.
happy birthday ashikin and divya and arathi and munirah!(in no particular order)
i cut my hair. my hair cutter person has a fetish for lesbians i found out.
hi raihana!!!see you on bus 8 tomorrow morning!
good luck real madrid!! you're making a good comeback unlike jonathan woodgate. haha.
good luck to all psle takers. am**** you better get an A* okay? so i can get a bonus.
o-level takers.. may you all get hand cramps so i'll have less competition.
i love mark wahlberg. and gisele. and karolina and cindy and natalia vodianova and ah babi you all beautiful people.
and november 22nd..... please come fast? PLEASE? please? please?
have simply no patience to upload it and stuff. so my friend. this redundant entry is to say to you... "TAKE CARE LOVES UNTIL 22nd NOVEMBER" till then!!!! have a good and godly ramadhan and hari raya for youse. happy diwali. happy whatever you celevrate okay? be good to your mum and dad. think of me every night before you go to sleep. you will be good. much love. remember.... 22nd november. mark it on your calendars.

2005-09-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

ok you know when you complain about how stupid you are and somebody says, "at least you...." you know you're in some kind of weird competition, 'who wants to be the stupidest'.
and the next round of battle is when you defend your title saying, "NO!!! at least you... i don't even...."
nowadays, people take pride in being stupid. maybe for individuality or exclusivity purposes since everyone is so damn smart nowadays.

today i realise that i NEVER spend money on myself. as in, it's either i don't have money to spend on myself or when in instances where i do(very rarely and very far between), somebody needs something so it's that or its spent on something else that is not for me. it's quite sad really, thinking of how hard i work my ass off to give tuition(daily at one point of time). and to think that materialistic bullshit means alot to me and i dont even have much of that. i'm always thinking, ok save up until you lose weight(like 10000kg) then you can go on a shopping spree. but when is that ever going to happen? by the time i do(when and not if), all my money(which is as yet something i dream of and not have) would be spent on things not for me.

i slept at six pm yest and woke up at 9am today. woohooo. not well deserved. but enjoyable anyhow.

good luck REAL!!!! luxemburgo as well!!

arath, thanks for eating that lousy cake for me. :)

2005-09-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

ay shit ah i forgot what i wanted to say. ok never mind

freaking hell la! i just blew my nose and water(i hope thats what it is) came out of my freaking eyes. the corners. WATER EH!!! cool or not? should i go on guinness world records?

i been hanging out at yishun/woodlands that area. dare i say im enjoying myself despite it not being the east. bt its only because of the company i keep. i hate north and west of sg. damn dead. EAST still the best.

david beckham is surprisingly a refreshing writer.

bali must happen.

the thing is life is till onhold. i got so much plans for after prelims and esp. after os.. so exciting.

2005-09-11T16:09:00.000+08:00

but of course! nobody seems to care that the goal from celta was a result of a bad call. everybody seems so hyped about the fact that REAL lost but not that REAL lost because of a bad call. shitties you shitties. we'll see how sg reports it tmr. i BET they'll say... "Real lost because of Beckham as he is so popular that every single defeat of every club should be associated with him or else our stupid lacklustre paper will not sell. so as we were saying. the referee made a bad call only because beckham was busy flipping his golden hair that it shined so much and did not allow the linesman to see that the goal was indeed NOT a goal. so we'll like to conclude that real madrid lost because of beckham since this is not a team game and beckham is really the only player in real madrid."
OR
"even though Real Madrid has many stars(thus making us jealous because we are supporters of Man U) they were not able to overcome their newly promoted Celta. We at the Newpaper do NOt believe that it was a bad call. We believe that BECAUSE Real has so many stars, they should be dealt with more denigration. We believe that the stars are at fault because well.. if we dont say that then people will think that Real is good and that is sinful because ALL HAIL EPL!!! "
- The Shaza's Version of The Newpaper (buy it at your nearest mama shop)

stupid papers and tabloids and other shitty shits.

2005-09-11T15:38:00.000+08:00

the eve of the exams and i just finished watching football and golf. spent the whole morning and noon till now just watching adam scott(golf) and germany(esp. podolski)...
i think i am gonna add germany as one of my top faves cos i really think their team is super young, exciting and truly talented. podolski scored a hat-trick against south africa. this is one guy we( i dont know who im talking abt really except me) have to keep an eye out for. he's REALLY good. IT WAS SUPER EXCITING.
turkey is still struggling to make it. play-offs thingy la.

real madrid lost undeservingly to the newly promoted celta. seriously the referee should kick himself extremely hard. the LINEsman i am GOING TO KILL. please la. the ball obviously did NOT pass the goal line. blardie celtans(i am assuming they call themselves that) must be super happy la. nvm. I assure you that REAL will win this season AND as for the champions league... we'll see. :) baptista scored his first goal for the galacticos as well. and ronaldo scored as well and they did a little samba victory dance of sorts which consisted of bapt and ronaldo shaking their bootie. my god... orgasmic fo sho. HAHA.

ooh. i just realised that strepsils has alcohol in it. no wonder i got filthy drunk last night.

yesterday me and satoishini went out and had a blast reading porn(aka tabloids) at borders. satoishini... dont put those ugly pics up la!!! haha.

i should probably study. but cannot ah. although im superbly scared. oh wellllllllllllllllllllll..

podolski is SO talented.

2005-09-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

Low self-esteem leads to introversion, a withdrawal from normal life and a waste of potential.
Over 50% of women say their body disgusts them (Dove Internal Study, 2002)
The body fat of models and actresses portrayed in the media is at least 10% less than that of healthy women (British Medical Association, 2000)
6 out of 10 girls think they'd "be happier if they were thinner" (UK Teen Body Image Survey, January 2004)
While only 19% of teenage girls are "overweight," 67% think they "need to lose weight" (UK Teen Body Image Survey, January 2004

What Is Self-Esteem?
As defined by the National Association for Self-Esteem, it is the experience of being capable of meeting life's challenges and being worthy of happiness. People who have healthy or authentic self-esteem trust their own being to be life-affirming, constructive, responsible, and trustworthy.

I MEAN WOW. THERE IS AN ASSOCIATION FOR SELF ESTEEM? WHO KNEW? OK THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION.

2005-09-09T23:01:00.000+08:00

where the fUCK are my fucking laxes. sorry for the explitives. but i just feel if i verbally or audibly form this question, my laxes might actually drop from the sky. i NEED it. i NEEEEEEEEEEEEED my laxes.. pls. i do not want to resort to supps.

you know i've really thought a hell lot about ostensible beauty and the perception that the crave for perfection is, well.. superficial. but is it really? then does that mean that all of us are superficial(for the record, i know i am)?

as in does everyone not want to look good? does everyone not want to correct some imperfections? does everyone not want to be gisele, karolina, natalia or kate(in their own way)?

ok i shall continue this debateforrealbeauty shit another day. i do appreciate dove's campaign though.

anyway, as i've said, while people were spending 10 hrs studying, i was spendind 10 hrs in and out of the swimming pool and i expected to be rid of my sawo matang colour but alas, now i look berkarat(rusty). i dont believe in tanning because, unless you're a white-ass, tanning should not be in your dictionary. for us asians, its called... uh.. darkening our skin pigmentations. don't step beach bum on me.

so i dont look darker from the hours i've put into spending time by the pool but i sure as hell look dirtier. i scrub and scrub and i cant get the dirty colour out of me.

2005-09-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

my mum is gonna scream her head off when she sees the new real madrid poster i put up. the new poster i put up next to the old one which is next to the europe map which is next to a few posters of real madrid which is next to a map of the world which is next to some pics of victoria b. which is next to yeah u know...

air con service man: confirm your son's room right? (he says to my dad when he enters my room)
my dad: yeah.

in case you didnt notice ishak, i've got no dangling things between my legs.

my mum freaked out when i put up posters of female models on my wall and tore it all up. can i not enjoy god's female creations without being labelled a lesbian? i am not. damn la.

2005-09-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

ok so everybody is studying but me. why the bloody hell am i doing this to myself. but at least im enjoying myself. that is but one of the redemption points.
on tuesday and wednesday, i was at hotel new park. hung out at the pool for most of the time. yeah that sounds swanky but trust me, that i am not. i made lots of friends though and more than half of them were german. there were a hell lot of cute, old(and i mean ancient, really) guys. i loved the pool and the people but i absolutely hated the hotel room at night because it was so bloody cold! i think they're trying to accomodate their visitors from north and south pole by making the room's temp closest to that of the two poles. i couldnt sleep for like 3/4 of the night. when i wasnt in the pool or by the pool, i was in the bath tub. maklumlah budak ni takder bath tub kat rumah.

today i got an autobiography for five bucks. yay. i swear. if i cant get a decent enough guy to marry, i'll marry a book fair.

today i was at the bus stop and as i was waiting for the bus to come, i realised that there were three minahs around. all three were donning uniforms. one of coffee bean, one of kfc and the other of pizza hut. i guess it is inevitable that minahs work for the service industry.

today i had an ultra peculiar bus ride. it was set for EUNOS ok. I SWEAR it wrote there that it wasd bound for EU-blardie-NOS station. BUT. it stopped at TIONG BAHRU. i will NEVER ever take bus 63 ever again.

i've eaten two traffic lights(the ice cream not the actual traffic light) in two hours. i bet villa wellness is dying to make me one of their contestants. haha.

2005-09-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

•1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
•2) Which country makes Panama hats?
•3) From which animal do we get catgut?
•4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
•5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
•6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
•7) What was King George VI's first name?
•8) What color is a purple finch?
•9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
•10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

give your answers my brilliant friends. in the comments thingy or whatever.

2005-09-05T18:20:00.000+08:00

sorry la to those of you who arent from my school and as such do not share the same sentiment as me on the topic im abt to speak abt.

i got this from a blog( i decline to put the url here)
'And I'll never miss the school motto - it was so DOPEY - Honesty, Perseverance, Courtesy. What kind of shitass school motto is that! You'd think that a school that was once in the top 10 would have a cheem-er motto.Like SJI - Ora Et Labora.Or VS - Nil Sine Labore.'

first of all, if you cant get your freaking facts right, don't bother. c**** is still top 10. top 3 in fact. 2ndly, if the school does not have a latin( also known as widely incomprehensible) motto, does that mean that its shitass or not cheem? must we be perplexing to be cool?

with what is due, i should respect what you have to say and you, I.

2005-09-04T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hello fellow earthlings! I am in a particularly excellent disposition today. Firstly, I got LOADS of free stuff today! Faradila and Jahir just got back from New York and they bought me a typical New York tee AND AND AND…. two perfumes. One GAP (GASP! IT’S GAP!) Brumisateur and a Victoria’s Secrets one. Oh YAY! I should smell good for months on end now.

Secondly, I taught tuition just now AND I freaking got a teacher’s day present. A billabong top, a freaking pack of freaking expensive DARK chocolate and a faux Burberry’s thingy that I’m prolly never going to use.

Yeah and you know just how much I LOVE freebies right? I was hinting about wanting to buy a shoe and of course, faradila being faradila gave me a pair of hers albeit rather old, it’s Adidas AND is in pretty good condition. So YAY for that.

Anyway, last night I dreamt about a lot of things.
Dream 1: farah(farah izzah) wanted to run away from home so she asked me along. I was excited at the prospect but didn’t have a good reason to run away but decided on a whim just to follow her. That’s all that I could remember from that dream.

Dream 2: I was sitting on a staircase or something. I saw aisyah walking towards me smiling. I was surprised because we haven’t talked for weeks. A few minutes after she walked away(w/o talking to me or tegur-ing me) I felt someone hold my hand. I thought it was aisyah deciding that we should stop fighting or something so I turned to her smiling. Holding my hand was a life-sized doll/mannequin, aisyah nowhere in sight. Now THAT was a scary dream.

i just realised that... master bedroom sounds like masturbate room.
hey deena sorry la i've not written anything horny for a rather long time. it's because of manye things. firstly, i realise that my crudeness is not well-received by many. 2ndly, after that super scare when ckgu found my blog, i've attempted to write non-consequential stuff here. and thirdly, i think im turning into a frigid.

2005-09-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

MUN. ONLY NOW THEN I KNOW THAT HILARY IS INDIAN.. I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS LIKE.. CHINESE. Anyhow...ENGLISH WAS EXTREMELY HARD. IF I MANAGE TO SCRAPE A C6.. I'D REJOICE. I'VE GOT SO MUCH SHIT IN MY RECTUM THAT I'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU BUT I FORGOT.. MY SPHINCTER MUSCLE WORKS WAY TOO WELL. IM TRYING TO PUT A LITTLE OF STUDIES INTO EVERYTHING IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW. BY THE WAY.. THE AREA OF A TRIANGLE IS 1/2 TIMES BASE TIMES HEIGHT. :)

OK NOW I BET EVERYONE THINKS IM STUPID. OK I AM. BUT I KNEW THAT LONG AGO OKAY!

anyways.. TO SATOISHINI.. WAH. MY GOD I MISS YOU.. I WILL PARTY WITH YOU UNTIL WE DIE FROM EXHAUSTION AFTER THE O-LEVELS. I SWEAR MY ACTUAL LIFE IS LIKE ON HOLD PLEASE CALL BACK LATER BECAUSE OF THE O-LEVELS.

my cca IS B3.. B FUCKING 3. WELL AT LEAST CIKGU IS PERPLEXED. MADE ME FEEL BETTER. :) DON'T CARE LA.. IM NOT GOING TO JC ANYWAY RIGHT? BUT STILL DAMN LIKE.. MY HEART HURTS. HAHA.

i want to ask
how do you miss someone like fuck?
how do you hate someone lke fuck?
how do you anything like fuck?

i swear fuck is the most versatile word in the english dictionary. (adam sandler said this)

how do you eat like shit?
how do you talk shit?
how can you be stupid like shit?

2005-09-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

ayyyyyyyyyyyyy.. hello. ok. i think i rummed the whole week away. im sure my schoolmates have forgotten how i look like. yesterday mun sleptover my house. we WANTED to study. i swear we WANTED to. but yah la. wanted and actually doing it are two different things. don't blame us for being bad influences to each other. but yeah. we emo-ed to the max. and yeah i agree with you munnay. many things have taken place in my room.. and my house. and i'm glad because it makes my house a happier place if i can look around and remember times i spent with everybody that has ever stepped into my house or sleptover. i don't know why but yeah. there is that VIBE. i absofuckinglutely love sleepovers. especially if it's at my house. i mean isnt it natural that you feel most comfortable at your own house despite the many bad things that have taken place here and not to mention, the parents?

ok one story
to go to mun's house, i can cut through a lane and walk across a field.
at the lane, though, several bangladeshis reside. they have a little cool shack and stuff. this is of course because the construction site is right next to them. so as can be expected, the lane is dark.
just now, i was in a pe t-shirt and and a pair of shorts. looking as maid-ish as possible. for those of you who know me, you'd know that i look very much like the............... maid next door. so there was this group of malay 40-ish guys under the block right next to where the lane is. as i walk past them to go through the lane, they all look up. perplexed that i am entering 'unsafe' territories. i walk into the lane. and stop in the middle of it. turn and see all of them at the mouth of the lane. looking at me. probably waiting to see if i was going to enter the shack. WAIt. sorry. once i turned.. they immediately acted as if they were very much interested at the empty bulletin board behind them. so yah okay. I BET YOU!!!! THEY THOUGHT I WAS A MAID WAITING TO ENTER THE SHACK TO HAVE A BANG BANG(ok this is a very mean term i just came up with. as im sure you're more familiar with the term gang bang.. this is the abbreviated form for... bangladeshi bang.. bang bang) yeah.

'travel' is a disease that has grown rampant since the 1950s. i hope i get a severe case of it. i also hope that it's chronic.

2005-08-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

he looks happy. i guess? :(

2005-08-31T00:19:00.000+08:00

i am supporting turkey czech republic and england(1,2,3 respectively) for the world cup. may turkey win. :)

2005-08-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

Real Madrid sporting director Arrigo Sacchi is 'upset' by Owen's departure and insisted the club were satisfied with his performances.

'We are upset because we've lost a great professional, a top-class player who was always very positive,' Sacchi told the club's website.

'Real Madrid were happy with him and we would like to thank him for everything he has done here and wish him the very best in the future.

'He asked us if he could leave because it is a World Cup year and he wasn't going to play here regularly. We didn't want to loan him out and it was only when a big offer was made did that we accepted the idea of selling him.'

oh my god. why why why why why why why why why why why why.. REAL MADRID!!! you have made the worst mistake ever. why do you have to hurt me so much!! i love you and i care for you and this is how you repay me? dont you ever think about how i feel RM? dont you? youknow owen was so damn dear to me and you do this to me? ok ok.. never mind. this wound will heal. i love you so much owen and i wish you the bestest best. may newcastle treat you well. may you score for them like nobody's business and show sacchi what you'remade of okay? you take care my love.
oh no. how am i supposed to sleep tonight? OWEN!!!! luxemburgo you will PAY!!!!

i shall go crymyself to sleep now. sorry latifah for not entertaining you on this sad sad sad sad night. thanks for the heads up.

i HATE singapore based newspapers. all based on stupid rumours. the whole back page is always abt social life la. this one la tht one la. AY WHO CARES. I WANT SPORTS NEWS NOT SOCIAL NEWS OF FOOTBALL PLAYERS YOU ASSES AT SPH.

2005-08-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

have you said goodbye to someone knowing that it will be the last time you'll say anything to someone?
i know that i for one have said goodbye to someone (hopefully not forever) but hey i quote you, 'contract is over'(although i don't think it a contract).
and i do miss you but the thing is i simply can't do anything about it because i have done everything possible. i've tried to explain. i've said sorry. i still am sorry. i've given up. i lost a good buddy. a very good buddy.with whom i bitched, laughed, didnt dare to cry with. with whom i talked to about my death and how people were going to eat curry and bread at my death. with whom i could have superbly long talks with at the bus stop because it seems we have untapped reservoirs of bitchiness that unleashes itself there. but it sucks to know that you minded. i feel so stupid and blind. i guess i am. i miss you a fucking lot but this is not a pity call. i wouldnt know how to react even if we became friends again because on one hand i loved you and i miss you but on the other, i also know that you meant what you said and if you really do then, i guess this shot for a friendship was never going anywhere. and it is perhaps my ego that still make me think that it's not more than 50% my fault. and i know that you will either think that this is a
1) pity call
2) an attempt to make you want to mend the fences
3) a way to publicise my shit
i really don't want to know because i just need to let you know all that.
but i know its a lost cause. i just want to say that uptil that day you were a good friend and very entertaining. i treasured our acquaintance and i dont regret it one bit. i learned alot from you (including how to kocok a straw until it cums.) nice knowing you. :)

but anyhow, i hate to think that people want to die reading about my problems and trials. i mean although i dont mind reading it on other people's blogs, i do mind that people read what they don't want to on mine. like, they have their own problems and they don't want to read about other people's problems either. and some people will ask, "oh, so you have a blog for commercial reasons?" well. i didnt make it private did i?

all i'm thinking day and night is the days i will have after o-levels. it's as though the o-level exams are barriers to me actually living out my life. but indeed i do think it that way. It’s as though I’m being tied up with ropes. And with the passing by of one exam, one rope loosens until ultimately, November 2nd arrives and I perpetually am liberated from the system.

its 3 more months and i want to make these months count. I, as yet, am clueless as to how to go about it. but i will try. to........ study. 3 more months. 3 more months. i have been waiting 10 years to sit for this exam to attain a cert and i am NOT going to get any grades lesser than satisfactory.

i have to get rid of distractions. now....... how do i get rid of me?

p.s. mun. fantabulous day. don't think too much about what we talked about.

p.p.s. owen. i love you. don't please don't return to anfield. hell. don't go anywhere. stay at bernabeu. please.

note toself: you will see asia before you turn 20. at least asia.

first asia. then the world.hahaa

2005-08-29T10:09:00.000+08:00

ay isnt it embarrasing to find out that you wrongly spelled your email add? like you want to be all morbid and use bombastic words on your add but too bad la spelling isnt one of your niche areas.

example i found. *******_incorparated** bla bla.
not that incorporated is a bombastic word.

please la! dont act so much. use normal words next time. easy to remember and easy to type. i hate those with underscores, weird spellings and such. its a pain in the ass.

2005-08-29T08:53:00.000+08:00

ahhh. if only love didnt have to hurt so much. real madrid. they won of course last night. but it wasnt an easy match despite cadiz being a newly promoted team. but at least we won. hah to barca.
but still my heart aches for owen. despite not liking him during the times he played in anfield, i do realise that he has potential like nobody's business. and i do love him now. luxemburgo will be doing a bombastic mistake if he allowed owen to go back to liverpool. but i bet its going to be super irritating for him to get a placing in the first eleven esp. after baptista and robinho just joined.

ok maybe real madrid is

slightly gay

suggestive

very suggestive and very gay

too affectionate

loves to wank. anywhere it seems

they also like to innappropriately dance salsa during matches

they fancy themselves as magicians

are gross

dont you still love them?

i bought a mario puzo book for five bucks. yay.

i think i like white guys who hang out with blacks. i just realised

thats marky mark

and this needs no introduction

2005-08-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

create a sentence in which every word starts with the same letter

marry me, marky mark.

for those who are (not blissfully) blessed with ignorance, marky mark is mark wahlberg.

2005-08-27T19:19:00.000+08:00

And of course, they conversed with a highly colourful vocabulary. "You! Fucking cheebye! What the fuck you think you're doing? Knock it down and gimme twenty!! Louder, lah!! My grandmother can do better!" That's another thing. You're indelibly impressed with the wondrous things these sergeants' grandmothers seem to be capable of. There must be, like, a whole group of retired Wonder Womens existing in secrecy somewhere in the country.

taken from www.ridj.blogspot.com. excellent read.

2005-08-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

almost left behind
suitcases of memories

If you're lost you can look
and you will find me
time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I'll be waiting
time after time
-cyndi lauper

at the risk of sounding uncontrollably adolescent, i ask. will there be someone who will do this for me?

2005-08-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

i am very scared. if you dont want me to lead you to the wrong road again, run away fast. it's not like i mean to hurt you, its just that i cant help but do THAT. so if you don't want me to do THAT and mislead you... run. fast. i heard you're an ex-national runner. so why don't you.

2005-08-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish that you would see that you are not treating me equally. like i do
THIS for you, i thought you would perhaps THINK of doing THAT for me. i really dont think you realise that you dont. sometimes i feel damn extra but i dont think you know that. sometimes i feel like im just a tag-along. but i dont think you know that. sometimes i feel tired of always having to be the one to say hi and bye first. to have to come to you before you come to me. i think its just in me and it'll always be this way for me. im damn extra. an unwanted pest sort of thing.

i sometimes think about being hermit-ish. but i know im incapable of that. i live to be around people. people dont want to talk to me? never mind i'll talk to them. i'll go to them. say hello. maybe one day i'll just not be so reliant on human contact. maybe that day will come. maybe then, you'll realise.

how can people be so darn oblivious to the fact that they are hurting their loved ones on purpose. the irony. i mean you KNOW ok... you KNOW that you are hurting your loved ones. but ah yes. you just dont care. then why... do i care?

2005-08-21T20:14:00.000+08:00

do you wish that sometimes you had a time machine? to see what made you want to stay with someone still. to change some things that you did and see the butterfly effect of it all. to 'un-fact' some things. to savour some moments. to stop some things from happening.
dont you wish that you had a fairy godmother and you could tell her every single thing that you want and you would get it. and only you had it.
don't you ever wish that you found money?
don't you wish you didnt have to eat?
dont you wish you didnt have desire?
don't you wish you could stop the voice in your head?
don't you wish you had a bloody conscience?
don't you wish?
don't you wish that every single wish of yours came true?

i read in the papers a few days ago about how popular blogs in singapore were all about the blogger. meaning that it was very self-centered. which means to say that the blogger rarely touches worldly topics and they don't discuss heavyweights. instead they imbibe us with knowledge about their lives and then some.
is it wrong? doesnt the writer realise that there is a reason that such blogs are popular? i believe its because we live vicariously through them. we ourselves are too meek or simply arent enjoying the high life. so we feed like mosquitoes on such blogs because they give us the sense that we are going through it. is it wrong?
the writer also said that unlike singaporean(or asian) blogs, western/european blogs tend to be more worthy of publicity as it involves and discusses topics such as the iraq war. but seriously. isnt the newspapers, news magazines and websites dedicated to such stories enough to feed us? does everything of ours have to reflect our western counterparts? sometimes i wonder if we are trying to be their clones. cant we stop modelling ourselves after them!?

today i once again got caught for not paying enough bus fare. but unlike that day, there was no mat to 'save' me. haha.

i love mark wahlberg.

ZIDANE!!!! IS BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK I KNOW THIS IS A BIT DELAYED. BUT HEY. HE'S BACK. YAY!!!!! INTERNAZIONALE FUTBOL NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD EH?

2005-08-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

I SWEAR SOMETIMES ONLY THE SCORPIONS CAN MAKE ME A FEELING PERSON. I CAN CRY AND CRY AND STONE AND STONE AND CRY AGAIN WHEN I LISTEN TO THEM. PLUS GUNS N ROSES' 9 MIN SONGS LIKE DON'T CRY AND NOVEMBER RAIN.

I MET MAMAT TODAY. IT'S BEEN 7 MONTHS. IT SEEMED LIKE 7 MINS. HE WAS DRINKING SOME KIND OF COFFEE. I DRANK SOME AND DRANK MORE. HE SNATCHED IT AND SAID, " YOU'RE NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE UNLIKE YOURS TRULY. I NEED TONGKAT ALI."
I LAUGHED FOR APPROXIMATELY 7 MINS BEFORE I COULD BREATHE AND ATTEMPT TO STAB BACK WITH, "YEAH. BUT IM TEXTUALLY ACTIVE(THERE'S BEEN ADVERTS ABOUT IT IN CASE YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN OBLIVIOUS)"

AND CONGRATS SATOISHINI AND CEDAR'S TL FOR WINNING SORKALAM. WA CAYA SAMA LU.

I MISS SPENDING TIME WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE.

TO MUN,
I MISS YOU STAYING OVER. I MISS YOU BONDING-BONDING WITH MY PARENTS. I MISS YOU BEING AROUND ALL THE TIME. I MISS MUHARRAM-ISM. I MISS OUR STONING SESSIONS. OUR DVD DAYS. OUR SEX IN THE CITY(SMITHHH). OUR BOOB STORIES(MY LACK OF IT) EXCHANGE. OF BITCHING. BUT I REALISE WE DONT BITCH MUCH. I MISS SITTING AT MY VERANDA(OK LA BALCONY) AND LOOKING OUT. AT THE STARS(AND THE MATS). OF DANCING AND 'MODELLING' AT MY LIVING ROOM. SLEEPING AT MY ROOM. AT MY SISTER'S ROOM AND MY PARENT'S ROOM. AND PLAYGROUND-ING. CRYING WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY HIT ME? HAHA! THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. and heart-rending at the same time. AND THEN THERE WAS THE THING THAT CANT BE REPEATED. AIYAH. IF I HAD TO WRITE EVERYTHING THAT WE'VE DONE AND I MISS RIGHT, A NOVELLA WOULD NOT BE ENOUGH.

TO RAIHANA,
I MISS GPA SO FREAKING MUCH. ITS LIKE ARGH!!! IF I COULD RELIVE ONE PART OF MY SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE, I WOULD CHOOSE THOSE DAYS. OF ONE LJ MEAL A DAY. OF MARINA BAY. OF DANCING AT ESPLANADE. OF BITCHING LIKE UNHAPPY WHORES. OF MAKING UP THE FIGHTING SCENE. OF BITCHINESS. OF THE MPH. OF OUR SCHOOL'S STAGE GETTING SO FREAKING NOISY WITH HIGHLY-BITCHY CHATTERS. OF SOME ASSHOLIC SCHOOL STEALING OUR MASKS. AND THEN THERE IS THIS YEAR WHERE WE URM, TRAVELLED FAR AND WIDE IN SEARCH FOR INSPIRATION. HAHA. OH MY GOD. ARAB STREET. INDOCHINE. PARAGON. BASICALLY EVERYWHERE LA. AND THEN THERE WAS THE EATING OF NESTUM REMEMBER? AND WATCHING THIRTEEN. AND CRITICIZING IT LIKE CRAZY. AND THE COMMITEE FOR MUHARRAM'S REMEMBER? HAHA

TO
FARHANA
RADHIAH

IM SLEEPY SO I'LL CONTINUE ANOTHER DAY.

THERE'S NO ONE ELSE WHO READS THIS BLOG SO YEAH. BESIDES SATOISHINI AND I'VE WRITTEN FOR YOU.

IM DOING THIS THING BECAUSE IM FEELING EXTREMELY AND SUPERBLY EMOTIONAL. BLAME AXL ROSE.

2005-08-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

satoishini. thanks i needed that. made me feel way like wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. you are the biggest slut ever. and THAT's a compliment. :)

farhana also. thank you. i never knew that. and like reading what you write made tears burn like hell from behind my eyeballs.

anyways. today I MET THE MOST NICEST MAT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. I GAVE TUITION AT PASIR RIS AND WAS ON MY WAY TO EUNOS IN A BUS AH. I PAID $1.10 AH FOR THE BUS FARE(GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH IM REALLY SUPPOSED TO PAY). SO ANYWAY, THERE WAS THIS COUPLE IN FRONT OF ME AND THE GUY WAS GORGEOUS. THE GIRL WAS NICE. THEY WERENT YOUR TYPICAL 'LET'S-DISGUST-EVERYONE-IN THIS-BUS-BY-PUBLICLY-DISPLAYING-OUR-UNDYING-AFFECTION-THAT-IS-GONNA-END-NEXT-WEEK' SO YES, SINCE THE GUY WAS ATTACHED, I DIDNT BOTHER LOOKING MUCH AH.

THEN THE GIRL WENT DOWN. THEN TEN MINUTES AFTER, A BUS CONDUCTOR CAME UP AND TOLD ME THAT I HADNT PAID THE RIGHT FARE AND WAS TO PAY ANOTHER $1.10. THE MAT WAS LOOKING READY AH. I THOUGHT HE KAYPOH-ING AH BUT THEN I REALISED THAT I ONLY HAD 30 CENTS WITH ME. AND THE MAT IMMEDIATELY TOLD THE BUS CONDUCTOR THAT HE WAS PAYING FOR ME. THE BLARDIE AUNTIE ASKED, " WHY? YOU HER FRIEND AH?" THEN HE SAID, "YAH YAH, HER FRIEND" AND PAID FOR ME LA!!!! OH MY GOD. THEN HE SAT BESIDE ME AND I WAS LIKE, " OH MY GOD!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!" THEN OF COURSE WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT OTHER THINGS. AND OF COURSE AS DOES EVERY SINGLE MAT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, HE TALKED ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW I SHOULDNT BE IN ONE. LIKE SERIOUSLY. AS IF I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL ME THAT. HAHA. AND WE STOPPED AT THE SAME STOP AS I DID, WALKED ME TO MY TUITION PLACE AND SIMPLY SAID GOODBYE AFTER THAT.

I MEAN HE LIKE TOTALLY DIDNT ASK FOR ANYTHING BACK. HE'S A TOTAL STRANGER. HE WAS SO DECENTLY NICE TO ME AND WAS SUPER NICE WITHOUT LIKE TRYING TO GET ANYTHING OUT OF IT. AH!!! HIS GIRLFRIEND IS SO SUPER LUCKY LA. DID I TELL YOU HE WAS GORGEOUS? HE IS. SUPERBLY.

AND THAT TOTALLY MADE MY WHOLE DAY. PLUS MY TUITION KID'S MOM TALKED TO ME A BLARDIE HELL LOT TO ME TODAY. THAT WAS SUPER GOOD TOO.

AND I SPENT MY TIME WITH THE 'HOT' AND 'COOL' PERSONS.WATCHING 'THE MAID' AND IT'S NOT BAD FOR A LOCAL SHOW ISNT IT? TWAS OKAY! HAHA.

MY TONSILITIS IS FLAMING UP LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. I'VE GROWN AN ADAM'S APPLE. EVERYTIME I SWALLOW, IT'S LIKE SWALLOWING AN ERASER.

OK GOOD DAY.

2005-08-17T20:44:00.000+08:00

If i died tomorrow, what would you regret not telling me?

i thought that,
i would regret not telling you that i love you everyday.
i would regret not being able to teach you to do THAT THING.
i would regret not going out with you alot.
i would regret not telling you that you are my slut the day before because i have grown too comfortable that i've forgotten.
i would regret not greeting you, "mornin', slut"
i would simply regret every single thing i did not say or do with you.
i would regret not talking to you about what we were supposed to talk about.

but then again i wont regret because i wont forget to do all these things. because you know you are MY SLUT. and will always be MY slut. nevermind how many days we dont talk. never mind the month we wont see each other. never mind. just never mind. because you know and i know. and that's enough. i wont regret because i'e told you everything.

yup yup yup.

i will not jump down the well. i will not jump down the well. i will not jump down the well. -raise the red lantern, su tong.

so how about you?

If i died tomorrow, what would you regret not telling me?

2005-08-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

my tuition kid told that in kindergarten, she used to play 'anak metropolitan'.

anak metropolitan? are you freaking kidding me? we used to play masak-masak, family-family and for the slightly gatal ones, mak-bapak. all that play pretend, according to my sister's early ed book, means that we were merely vomiting out what we saw others do. bt hello anak metropolitan? i doubt thats a good uh game to play.

what do they do while playing?

maybe.... act like they have to go for abortions, boyfriend kena beat, boyfriend die, go jail, uh what else?

way scary.

kindergarten kids you know!!!

2005-08-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

my loves: says:
shaza, Your ideal chatup line is

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas. .

chocolatier at ur service. 'superman cries.batman falls in love' shaz shaz. i love u so. says:
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

chocolatier at ur service. 'superman cries.batman falls in love' shaz shaz. i love u so. says:
true true
chocolatier at ur service. 'superman cries.batman falls in love' shaz shaz. i love u so. says:
damn accurate

my loves: says:
satoishini, Your ideal chatup line is
Would you like to see me naked ?.

chocolatier at ur service. 'superman cries.batman falls in love' shaz shaz. i love u so. says:
ok that is NOT ACCURATE
chocolatier at ur service. 'superman cries.batman falls in love' shaz shaz. i love u so. says:
u must have made that up
my loves: says:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA

2005-08-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

all from http://www.jobpredictor.com/
mun, Your ideal job is a Ping pong ball inspector.
hana, Your ideal job is a Lumberjack.
asyraf, Your ideal job is a Shoplifter.
fareez, Your ideal job is a Office Gopher.
farhana, Your ideal job is a Pole Dancer.
farah, Your ideal job is a Mime Artist.
ashikin, Your ideal job is a Insurance Fraudster.
ruby, Your ideal job is a Monkey Impressionist.
nithya, Your ideal job is a Lap Dancer.
vithya, Your ideal job is a God for everyone.
jie ming, Your ideal job is a Professional Tramp
latifah, Your ideal job is a Trained Assassin
lyana, Your ideal job is a tree surgeon.
amelia, Your ideal job is a porn director.
amsyar, Your ideal job is a Lap Dancer.
ira adriana, Your ideal job is a Funeral Director.
nadia, Your ideal job is a Traffic Warden.
mamat, Your ideal job is a Headteacher.
vijay, Your ideal job is a Housekeeper
jesmine, Your ideal job is a Suicide Bomber.
aisyah, Your ideal job is a Hypnotist.
lily, Your ideal job is a Quiz Show Contestant.
fauziah, Your ideal job is a Dodgem Driver.
omar, Your ideal job is a Ping pong ball inspector.
zahra, Your ideal job is a Chef.
aisha, Your ideal job is a Rally Car Driver.
sexy guy in the bus, Your ideal job is a Speaking Clock standin !.(yea boy. id watch you every minute every second of the day)
afiyah, Your ideal job is a Pole Dancer.
adel, Your ideal job is a Stripper.
longman, Your ideal job is a Lap Dancer.
minah, Your ideal job is a drag queen.
sexymahn, Your ideal job is a Bearded Lady in the circus.
mahn, Your ideal job is a lottery winner - no need to work !!.
weird indianish guy at rums, Your ideal job is a Sewage Worker.
muharram, Your ideal job is a porn director.
khai kat macs, Your ideal job is a Movie star.(yah you can work with ram)
adek yan, Your ideal job is a Hypnotist.
rezal, Your ideal job is a Office Gopher.
aida sofea, Your ideal job is a Soap Actor.
beckham, Your ideal job is a drag queen.(i tried david b. and it was dentist boring la)
victoria, Your ideal job is a Reality TV Show star.
sha, Your ideal job is a Supermodel. (sha. dorang bedek jer!)

HOW APT!!

oh my god
radhiah, Your ideal job is a Pole Dancer.
rad, Your ideal job is a Stripper

anyone i forgot?

2005-08-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

if i owe anybody money, food, anything with a value. pls contact me so i can pay you back. in installments.
parasite that i am i dont realise that people mind.

2005-08-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

attenzione

on the 6th of august. i said something abt me not caring abt ppl who bitch abt ml. a few people have taken it upon themselves to think that i am referring to them. i guess in a way it sounds that way and in some ways i do feel resentment towards them for it. but the thing is. the world does not revolve around my cca. my school life does. i wouldnt risk wrecking amities just for this.

but whatever whatever... what i want to say is that im sorry if you feel tht its abt you. im sorry if ive been insensitive. im sorry for not being a good friend.

so there.

2005-08-13T20:27:00.000+08:00

Other guy's girls always look so happy
Other guy's girls look satisfied
I see them smiling, I see them laughing
Other guy's girls make me wanna cry
Other guy's girls never have a problem
Other guy's girls look so serene
I see them walkiing down the street like they're in heaven
Other guy's girls make me wanna scream
Is it you? Is it me?
Is it just that we're just not meant to be?
I can't live without this, can't live with this
There must be an answer, but I don't know what it is...
Other guy's girls got some kind of secret
I see it on their faces as they pass me by
Come on, you can tell me, I know how to keep it
But other guy's girls just don't have the time
And other guys girls never have to ask themselves
Why, why, why do I put up with this?
I guess I must be into challenges, or secretly I wanna be in a
soap opera, I don't know, there must be something
in one of those books about people like us
Is it you? Is it me? Is it us? Come, on, tell me --
Are we on different planets? Are we on LSD?
Is love a federal prison? Is love an institution? there is no such thing as love.
I see them on the street, see them in the bus,
See them promenading in the shopping malls,
A little too neat, a little too sparky,
They look like a squadron of Barbie dolls, those
Other guys' girls
Other guy's girls, they're practically ecstatic
Other guy's girls always smiling, always laughing
Other guy's girls make me wanna puke

damn it. hot guys make me happy.

the dream guy
good looking(yes im shallow)
rich(again, yes im shallow)

see im not asking for much what!!

2005-08-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

<> says:
hey shaza
la liga.. where art thou? says:
hiii
<> says:
i was checking out this www.jobpredictor.com
<> says:
n i tried ur name..
<> says:
guess wad it came?
la liga.. where art thou? says:
haha
la liga.. where art thou? says:
what?
<> says:
anything where u can kiss ass

2005-08-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

im not a paedophile!! i swear on the kids under my bed im not!!

these are the guys i will be marrying in the future except the last one. tak sunat. yucks.
and this girl, will be my bridesmaid.

ok pics i found

this picture was taken 2-3 years ago right rad, mun? i don't remember.

i love this movie. and the actor.

i absolutely lOVE the BACKGROUND!!

it's the latest trend. rebond your eyelashes.

2005-08-11T18:59:00.000+08:00

in the middle of the streets of singapore. there were two girls. each with their own problems and their own stories. but they were binded. somehow. by one song for that night. that they sang. at the top of their lungs.

i ask my love
to take a walk
to take a walk
down orchard road
bypass mandarin
to centrepoint
we had our lunchat macdonalds
we had fillet
and apple pie
we shared a cup
of lemon-lime
i held her hand
look into her eyes
i ask her to
to be my valentine

there was one night
there was no light
there was no light
so we used torchlight
in the clear moonlight
i look into her eyes
i ask her to
to be my future wife

hana. mun met MM. adel say his(MM) body solid. yummayyyyyy

2005-08-10T11:26:00.000+08:00

there was one day, when shaza came over and stayed at my place. although it was only for a day, i had a blast.

shazzy, i dont know what i'd do without you!

youre the cutest bumblebee alive! :D

2005-08-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

i will kill the person who next asks me how my preps for o-levels are comign along.

sometimes i try to give witty answers to erase the monotony of such extraneous conversations. but due to the fact that i am not particularly witty nor creative, i have exhausted all means of steering away from the topic elegantly. now i only manage low-witted dim answers like, "not existent" or "im taking psle this year" or "im taking my o's this year?"
don't mind me. i get a high from this kind of bull. if you do not want to be at the expense of my highness, do not ask me this superfluous questions. i'd rather discuss politics. im serious. im really serious la.

some say this exam is a 'do or die situation' hence the increase in suicides, no? i particularly find this sooooo 1995. there are so many more paths you can take now. there's no such thing as a dead-end anymore is there? ITE, Poly, J.C., private, I.B., V.I. whatever or more aptly.. wherever you want to go, you can except that if you're abit dimmer, it might take time. please la.

but oh man i wont deny that i've thought endlessly about getting stellar marks. marks that will have my family members having cardiac arrests and shit. god only knows ive spent a hell lot of time THINKING about it. it is possible that if i could generate all the brain cells i've used to think about this into energy, i could harness enough to give electricity to one hdb building for a week or two. now if we were talking about energy spent on actualising this daydream of mine? hardly any. ok let's be truthful. none.

you know how sometimes i've complained and bitched abt giving tuition and tuition kid's parents being a pain and all that. but ok maybe its because im insecure because everytime the tuition kid's parents say.. "shaza! thank god i found you" or "how i wish you weren't taking ur o's!!" i rethink their actions. they contradict completely but maybe im being too sensitive. well. i love being needed. so yeah. they give me a high too. but the best feeling is when the tuition kid goes... "WHY!!!! kakak SHAZA!!! at least teach me creative writing... PUHLEESE!! mummy!!!"
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! i seriously love this sort of super-ego booster shit. it makes my self-esteem grow to such a monstrosity.

life's a montage of good and bad. deal with it la.

2005-08-08T22:24:00.000+08:00

bad things u do will always come back to haunt you...

"shaz.."
i pretend not to hear
"shaza"
i turn.
"hi.. pegi maner?"
i say,"uhhh. baru balek kluar."
his fren says"ye lah kalau tak kluar camne nak balek"

bedok reservoir. where one mistake brings on so much repercussions you'll never know what hit you in the first place.

then again, i love my bus stop in the morning. but i must come precisely at the right time to meet the right people. like that ITE guy and THAT guy. yah. i'm a teenager and has raging hormones. i'll see you in court.

wah ay.. tht guy who smile. you're cute and you have money. please. we were meant to be. right mun right mun???

charlie and the chocolate factory was ok but the fact that i was with two wackos willier than wonka made it super. punctuated with a manhunt with mun singing the camp song ah. bliss.

today like is a total melting pot of feelings. first anger at teachers for.... teachers(really. what more can i say?). 2nd super fun 'clubbing' at the mph(does not stand for the book store) with the inds. and continued fun with syahshah. and then with mun. good looking guys always make me happy. and mun attracts them like sugar does to ants. i get the leftovers. i really dont mind. i get to make meatloaf. haha. okay i have got to stop this side-low-wit non-jokes. and disdain at THEM.

goodnight.

2005-08-07T19:32:00.000+08:00

today.

i have managed to

1 screw up 4 of my friendships
2 worry myself sick about it
3 run my mouth and regret 1 second later
4 not do my job
5 spoil a supposed to be languorous afternoon(the only sunday i've had free since june hols)

2005-08-07T17:17:00.000+08:00

oh my god. why the hell did i just do tthat? i am so sorry to all involved parties. i am so sorry. i am such a bitch. kill me somebody please.

2005-08-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

i swear some people think tutoring is the only thing that i do 24 hrs. like i'm simply here to cater to their edublardiecational needs.

i miss daria. oh my god. its been so long.

when will this year be over? i seriously cant wait.

i got my prelims timetable. prelims. o-levels. oh my god? never mind. still left with quite some time. i dont understand how people can open books and STUDY. or revise. or mug,. whatever they call it. its impossible. i have the attention span of a fly. a dead fly.

i dont understand what the hell the Real madrid's management team is thinking. sell figo. okay fine. we dont even get to say a proper goodbye. but its okay. sell owen? SELL OWEN? MICHAEL OWEN? what the hell are you thinking? suicide is an international offence in case you didnt know. he's only like the 2nd best striker in our team and you want to sell. he is only the youngest GOOd player we have and you want to sell him? oh my god. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!!! real madrid. do us all a favour aND QUIT THIS BULLSHIT. tell them asses from newcastle and man u that he is NOT FOR SALE. whatever shit game you're playing athere is not working. robinho alone cant save us. we neeeeeeeeeed owen. please. please. please please. i love you all but you're making me so pissed.

i finally made my i/c. saw a couple of minahs. quite funy cos they got scolded by the passport-picture-taker for not getting their fringe off their face. then the second minah even worse. the passport-pic-taker said,"AY! why you no hap eye-brow! cannot cannot!!"
oh man. they gave me teh evil eye when they saw me titter. hah i dont care.

i think friday was the best ml session i've almost ever had. of course gpa is uncontendable but i think we had a blardie hell lot of fun on friday. i wish i brought my cam or something. hai. nevermind. i will miss ml. i know that for sure. i dont care what some people have to say abt ml. please do keep your pathetic shit to you and your friends. no actually. whatever. at least you're having some brain stimulation from bitching abt us. so do please continue for your health's sake. rmbr. you're going to wherever you're going next year because of us. thank your lucky stars we didnt fail you.

YOU CAN

shit ah. i dont get this. i dont know where my money goes really. i should have a bank acct i know. but. i mean seriously. look how long i took to make my ic. imagine how long i'd take to make my bank acct. ARGH.

BALI. um sapne villa!!! please wait for me. i will come. koh phangan. kuta. cambodia. wait ok? rome? madrid? milan? paris? cyprus? mauritius? corinth. belarus. brazil. morocco. turkey. makkah. egypt. dubai. japan. saigon. im going crazy thinking about all these possibilities.

from the time i was in primary one, my teachers never failed even once to comment that i was a heavy daydreamer. stoner la in other words. i guess this habit of mine never stopped. will never.

2005-07-24T02:10:00.000+08:00

i think my mahjongg-playing neighbours are uber cool. they are young and play mahjongg aggressively. from my second story room, i can hear them.. "shrekkkkkkkkk shrekkkkkkkkk" went the mahjongg tablets. mun.. when wanan play with them? i miss you too. my cool neighbours are noisy. they are mahjongging my to sleep.

2005-07-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

good afternoon. catherine lim is a great writer. a tad too flowery and too much on the imagery but otherwise pretty much impeccable. i didnt know there was such potential in sg writers. as in im not sure yet as to whether i like alfian's writing. sometimes i feel he should stick to whatever he's doing now. something like what kumar is pulling but you know we need as many local writers as possible. i wonder if you canmake it in sg as a writer. solely as a writer and not doing it on the side like most sg writers are doing.

2005-07-17T16:21:00.000+08:00

'i knew it was all up to me. i knew how it worked but the thought made me a little sad. usually, when two girls are confronted, the one who will speak up, who will defend both of them, the fierce one, is the less pretty one. the prettier girl gets to keep quiet, because if she opens her mouth then pearls will drop out, and their harassers will all scramble to pick them off the ground. then the guys will never leave them alone, and they will do everything to hear their princess speak again.'
-bugis, alfian sa'at

i wonder what happened to alfian. last i heard, he turned gay. why must all smArt malay guys turn gay? ah, well.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (Okay now I want to be a lion )

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

if theres one thing i realise about the people inhabiting our country, its this. we all learn to swallow. not swallow that dammit. im talking about discrepancies in the system. what makes us unhappy. what makes us want to leave this country. in the end, after our phases of rallying against the government(in the comfort of our own home, in front of the tv or newspaper), we all learnt to... S-W-A-L-L-O-W.. i dont want to be a swallower. i want to spit it out. i dont want that bitter aftertaste.

ok on to the next topic.

seriously. if the east has 80% of the hottest guys around... i wonder how deprived the notherners, westerners, middle-ers, southerners are. i mean even here in bedok, im still wondering where the hot guys are hiding. of course most mats would say "kat blakang fridge mak kau"

nenek kau la!!

ok so i was searching for mark wahlbergs pics when i stumbled uopn something i saved into my comp quite a while ago.

angelina jolie wasnt always THAT sexy. or pretty.

2005-07-11T01:04:00.000+08:00

ok something made me laugh a lot(make shortform ah like all those assholes.. laughing a lot can be... LAL) ok that made me LAL. ok la sorry.
u know what made me LAL?

some ass. instead of saying bangladeshi worker or even bangla worker... said.. bhangra worker.

2005-07-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

omg. finally something blogworthy. i was sending off ammar after my tuition cos he tagged along. and since his home was damn near, i could see what was happening at my block ah. AND OHMYGOD!!! there were like 2 friggin BIG fire engines(is that what u call it?) the fire lorry la. u know? ok so anyways.. i ricocheted(hahhaa. yeah blardie right) from ammar's window to bawah my block. i located faizal(or whatever his name is) and asked ah whats happening. and he was like "org nak bunoh diri ke ape ah."
me: "AH!!! serious??? exciting!!!!"
faizal/huever: "exciting kepale hotak!!!.. aku fikir prank call ah"
then i weaved myself past the crowd seeing alot of new faces. WAHHHHHHH shaza so gatal. haiz. seriously... mun's huever said "east got 80% of the hottest guys ard" and now.. this prophecy has been proven true. serious ah. the people i used to play catching with have all grown up.
and i mean hello 2 truckloads of ns men. cd men. cd men=mats. mats=most of whom are hpt = happy shaza :) :) :) :)
density of hot ppl was like suffocating. ratio of hot guys:shaza was like.... 100:1...
how this entry is gonna make me sound like a boy-crazy, hormonal, gatal girl... 100%

oh well. it was exciting. so i dont care. so exciting. at last.. prank call. hahah.

2005-07-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

i dont ever want to feel like i did that day. take me to a place i love. take me all the way.

ok friends. this is how the school curriculum should be in my eyes.

1. school should start at 8a.m. so that the kids can have mcdonalds breakfast.
2. they should not be forced to sing the national anthem, say the pledge nor sing the school song daily for it is mere hypocriticism and we are just bringing up kids who feign national interest without knowing exactly why. instead, we should learn about why we should be stayers not quitters.
3. we should QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR OURSELVES and QUIT telling us how our forefathers suffered so that we could have a good life. its a vicious cycle. we or at least i dont really care. tell me why i should stay here for my own good not for my forefather's good.
4. maths. should really be kept simple because seriously for normal people who are going to grow up being normal job holders, all that bullshit is taking up too much space in their already small brains. a-maths? what the hell are you going to do with that? permutate and combinate how your future can screw up? stupid.
5. literature. is highly debatable. IF there is a blardie MODEL answer, WHY THE HELL IS THERE LITERATURE? isnt literature about having your OWN BLARDIE views not conform to the SOCIETY's BLARDIE VIEWs? you are retarding our creativity. go away. why is there a marking scheme for something nobody can put a finger on? shakespeare is dead. stop agonizing him in his grave.
6.we should have subjects that we can ACtually benefit from (gasp!)
-actual moral education. not bullshit like character education where you learn to deal with stupid things and how this value is good and this value is not. instead. we should scrutinize real life situations and quit pretending it can't actually happen to us. ok actually im not quite sure about how to go about this but im sure i'll think of something.
-job attachments. cliche as it maybe it can actually give us a headstart. im not talking about bullshit like. once a year, we get to look around and blardie OBSERVE how people work at a factory and bullshit like that. im talking about regular job attachments to all sorts of jobs. once every fortnight or something, we have to work somewhere for at least 2 days doing ACTUAL work NOT and i repeat, NOT just OBSERVING. and stop crowding us la!!! maximum of two kids per job. don't attach 36 students to a job la stupid ah.
-little kids should not be given such things as tests and exams and should not know the existence of such things as report books until primary school. hello!! ohmygoodness. they are mere 5 year olds. how can you do this to them. YOU are to blame for our non-creativity. YOU stifle us. YOU retaRD our left or right brain whatever is the creative part of our brains la. it is all YOUR fault.
-btw. im not going to be a brilliant scholar and whatever so... you guys are the one who are supposed to change the school education system. you who are about to descend to the world of junior colleges and universities. have fun and good luck utilising your education.
-social studies should be more recent. and more comprehensive of the world. we should quit being so closed-mouth and start dealing with problems we are still having in our country. like racism. start teaching your teachers how to deal with talking to us KIDs about such TABOO issues such as that. DON't be cowards and continue avoiding it because one day, there might be another maria hertogh. and then you will wish you listened to my(and many other people like me who rant and complain but do nothing about it) advice.
ah okay. im working myself up too much. my teeth sounds like its grating wood. i should stop aggravating my grinds. teeth grinding that is.

i found out today that i love dentists. i love visits to the dentists.

well good day friends and foes alike.

2005-07-04T21:47:00.000+08:00

my heart feels like its about to burst out of my chest. why is it that when we are feeling stuff, we feel it in our chest? when it is known to all that all your heart does is pump blood? isnt it all that it does? seriously. scientifically or whatever, is it proven that we harbour feelings in our heart? BTFW, i am not talking about feelings of love and stuff. REMEMBER, i do not believe in LOVE. i am talking about anger frustration sadness happiness excitement( was abt to type excitedness. stupid shaza) WAHHHHHHHHH SOME HOT MAT JUST PASSED UNDER MY BLOCK WITH A DAMN NICE MOTOR WITH SUPER LOUD SONG BLASTING. HAHAH. DAMN COOL WAH TARAK BOLEH TAHAN!!! Ok back to what i was saying. the reason im asking is because im just brimming with so many feelings about school and shit and i feel it all near my chest. i DONT KNOW WHY!!! haha. as in ok.

1. o levels suck and i cant wait for this part of my life to end
2. i malasing to teach tuition bcos of the excessive travelling on my part but i have to cos i need the cash
3. i just wanna have fun and enjoy life. nobody is with me on this. they all BASTARD me and are starting to study.

i am all out to kill u. beware my friends. beware.

2005-07-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

mirror reflection ah konon

we somehow took this pic. scared us to death

i love cliche did i not tell you?

mon mon. the ugly side you've nvr seen b4. an expose(with the phonics e')

7-eleven. midnight madness.

2005-07-01T20:31:00.000+08:00

oh my goodness. my internet caN USE. ola le ola la..
i have issues to talk about.

today, i went to the polyclinic to get a diagnosis for my chronic constipation shit(HAHA the irony of it all) ok ok.. so... the person ask ah.. name. bla bla bla because i didnt bring any form of identification. and they QUIZZED me on my particulars like..
whats ur name?
your fathers name?
where you live?
ur house number?

AY HELLO! STUPID.. U THINK I MEMORIZE MY FRIEND'S IC NUMBER AH? DEN I CHEAT CHEAT GO POLYCLINIC IN HER NAME. BODOH GO AND DIE.
i am being irrational. calm down my friend.

ok so anyways. after waiting about an eon for my turn to see the doctor, i realised that they wrote malay as my race. i have nothing against this except that i dont understand why.. after being in a country for 15 or more years people still do not realise that binte does not mean malay. and indian does not mean hindu. and malay does not mean muslim and all that kind of bullshit. i mean everytime people ask me what my race is i hesitate very much to answer because i know they will either laugh or worse ask me. "oh? how come u not black?"
when they finally realise that i'm really indian they'll ask a tirade of questions. like...
"oh then how come your name nurul/shaza? "
"why you fair?"(im not btw)
"oh why you never speak tamil?"
"vanakam"
"you mean you hindu ah?!"
"i thought you muslim?"
"don't bluff ah! you speak malay what?!"

really. i should start publishing a FAQ booklet.

despite sg being described as a melting pot and a place where races have co-existed harmoniously for decades, the people still remain as ignorant and oblivious to some essential general knowledge. in the puny brains of theirs, they still believe that race=religion. they believe that your religion can be determined by the colour of your skin. like.

yellow=buddhist/possibly christian
brown/sawo matang=muslim
dark brown=hindu
white=christian

tell them go and die. but perhaps, sgians being so used to being spoonfed(sch. curriculum and such), do not venture out to find answers for such questions if not asked by the government to do so. the govt of course being so highly delusional as they are believe that there has never been any form of racism/racial discrimination acts (maria hertogh/bus riots) and there never will be. they believe that even though more often than not you see non-english shows on tv mobile. you see non-english commercials on channel 5. you see non-english everything everywhere. but then again it is not our fellow non-english friend's fault that all this is happening. so despite all this we have to continue loving them. do not sue me i am not racist.

all this racist talk has been inspired by ridjal's blog. all his fault.

2005-06-24T01:42:00.000+08:00

poor xiaxue

xiaxue.blogspot.com

she's always been a fave of mine
together with ridjal podah.dezign9.com
and aisyah's ex-blog not aisyah's ex's blog which is now deceased.

2005-06-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

friends. you have a genius in your midst. i assure you.

2005-06-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

today, i saw cats fighting. some mats at the bus stop meowed at them and...
the CATS freaking chasED them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the mats ran like shit ah!!! i laughed like nobody's business!!! and did not take a bus until i saw the cat turn and chase after the other cat. my gawd it was so funny!!!

in a cat chase mat world, anything can happen. today, i was soothed by a chinese operetta song. can u believe it? i was so pissed at things ah when i passed a shop tht was playing tht kinda song. and i thought to myself... "only this chinese singer can understand how i feel" HAHA. the singer sounds like wayang cina type u know? like the under the block high pitch ppl? yah. but i like sia! i wanted to download.. haaha!

2005-06-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

PADAN MUKA MUN!!!

haha! yesterday or the day before, i don't know everyday is a sunday to me for now(3 more days only mind you!), me syah and mun went rumming and WHOA! mats to the maX! rastafarians, punks, weed-smokers, hip-hoppers and all types of people were around la! anyways, after that, while sending syah off, i had a bright idea and climbed up the whatever on the bus-stop and was like tra-la-la-la-ing away ah.. mun in hot pursuit wanted to outdo me and did the exact same eXCEPT!!! she hit her hEAD on the pole on top of her!!! HAHAHAHAHA. omg! u should've been there.

this morning, i woke up dying of thirst so i went down to get a gulp of water but was caught by she-who-must-be-obeyed(mother).. i was accused of having not slept the whole day and wasting electricity doing whatever i did in my room. mind you, it was 5 blardie 30 in the morning and you do NOT want to be shouted at that early into the day. but shaza, as ever, buat muker slamber and denied all accusations thrown at me and was about to make a clean break when my mum had the great idea of cooking food before she went to work so that she could bring it to work. she had approx. 20 minutes to cook before having to leave thus she had to call for all help(read: me) albeit both parties were reluctant.

HELLO!!!! it is so early and my eyes are still crusty from sleep and you want me to cut up small mushrooms into three when i cant even blardie coordinate my eyes and brains and hands? i couldnt tell my elbow from my ass!!

thus, i have come up with a brand-new, fresh idea for torture. cooking for my mum in the wee hours of the day. PERRfect torture i tell you!! what with you cutting up YOUR FINGERS into three instead of mushrooms and being flung with insults right and left.. it could surely arouse a sadomasochist.

ok nvm abt that. another new headliner.

shaza always always says wrong things at the wrong times.
that day, i accidentally said, "go ask you mother la!" to a motherless child.

another day, i said, "let's play with ghosts" to someone who had unfortunately encountered an extremely unpleasant encounter with those-who-cant-be-seen.

conclusion: i am lazy to end what i have started writing abt that day.

dont be angry friends. it takes up too much energy.

2005-06-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

hello fire-ends,
today i was thinking ah. about people around me. how they came to be good friends or important people in my life. and then i realise i tend to forget how i got to know them. one thing for sure, i know them through other people. either that or in the rare case where im feeling super-friendly at the mrt/bus/anywhere public and choose to make friends with the unlucky person beside me. ok so then i realise that friends are MEDIUMS.
MEDIUMS through which we are exposed to everything.

i cont this entry tmr. good night.

btw im half an elf. so dont you blame me for being short.

we end with a short story

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

2005-06-21T02:16:00.000+08:00

lets stereotype!!

syah
stereotype:bitch
show: mean girls

shah
stereotype:dangerous loner
show: dangerous minds

satoishini
social butterfly
show: any mtv show

ruby
homey girl
show:cowgirl gets raunchy show (i hate using the word girl)

nithya
the naturally sweet girl
(if this was america, she'd be Carrie Underdog)

farah
the girl next door
show: u know! the girl next door movie!

jieming
the brilliant one
show: the beautiful mind

raihana
the constantly unhappy one.
if she was a soap opera, she'd be 'days of our lives'

mun
the princess
snow white and the seven dwarfs but not so tragic

i hate the show thumbelina. it is so horrifying.

2005-06-21T02:05:00.000+08:00

proof that all the money in the world cant make you have nice hair or stop the ageing process. we should all just stop trying to go against god.

for all you trouble makers. i am not saying that us trying to look nice is going against god.

2005-06-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

today gave a new meaning to the word extrovert for me.

on the way home with satoishini, an old wise man spoke to us. as he was talking he said, "im an extrovert. someone who speaks his mind and heart"

i always thought it meant someone who's friendly and anything of that nature.

well you learn everyday.

courtesy of shahul who commented on podah.dezign9.com

2005-06-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

"In Singapore, the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB),
And most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).
Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).
If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD) and get more from you.
So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?
With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).
And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.
When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH),
You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF) fund.I
f you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,
And you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).
To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).
If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP) on the roads.
If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT),
OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS).
Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
Not even the good old place we used to go because it has becomeSo Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!"

courtesy of shahul who commented on podah.dezign9.com

2005-06-19T15:10:00.001+08:00

'nothing lasts forever and we both know hearts can change'

tell me who sang that. QUICK! you can win a trip to hawaii with me in your dream. while stocks last. first come first dream.

im not going to pretend that something interesting happened to me during the past few days. i have not been reflective either. so there.

a picture speaks a thousand words?

there's a freaking orb on mun's head. i always knew she had weird acquaintances.

we were always told never to take pics in a toilet. feeling brave, we captured a scary thing.

i've approximately spoken 4200 words?

2005-06-18T13:42:00.000+08:00

Interesting thought of the day:A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush (and one case of avian flu that will kill 30% of China!).

2005-06-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

i feel somehow overpowered by a sense of helplessness. a state of mind provoked by my own not-so-good qualities. quite simply, im feeling shitty.

yesterday, contrastingly, was a superb day. me mun rad risha went out like nobody's business. far east, forum shopping mall, tanglin mall, raffles city link, esplanade and at 3am, muharrams. i dont want to forget the day. gay abundance its called.
near tanglin mall

marks n spencers elevator

streets of orchard?

eunos mrt. uncool uncool.

not sure at all.

there are other pics. but all that shall wait.

today, on the way home, i observed something ABSOfreakingLUTELY disturbing. there were 2 free seats in the bus.

option 1: you'd have to say excuse me to an inconsiderate lady and try desperately to slide across her to the inner seat. this choice is quite obviously unwise. firstly, you'd inconvenience yourself and secondly, you'd be exposing yourself to the germs of a lady that is just brimming with inconsideration, what if its jangkit-able?

option 2: no need for words even. simply seat at the outer seat. your bus neighbour? a CONSIDERATE bangladeshi who had enough common sense to move in and leave the seat beside him CONVENIENTLY free for other fellow travellers to seat on especially since it was a rather full bus.

and so, onboard the bus stepped a lady, to state her race would be redundant, and guess which option she took? option 1. unless she's highly sadomasochistic, i smell discrimination.
it was so obvious yet only apparent in my eyes... and the bangladeshi's maybe. i knew he had seen it too. the woman freaking struggled la to get into the inner seat, and that seat was right in front of that bangladeshi. i bet it hurts. hell, who am i kidding? OF course it hurts. he saw how people were shunning him. as if he was a pariah.

i mean hello. fellow singaporeans. if all bangladeshis upped and left sg, who'd deal with our dirt? be more respectful, grateful and gracious can?

air east coast masin

2005-06-13T15:30:00.000+08:00

to ppl who say izabel gouzart is not anorexic but fit :anorexic is the new slim/fit.

beach day with satoishini. all sand and sea. sun was not out ah. so instead of looking darker(there is no such thing as tanned for malay-looking ppl la! get it in your thick skull), we ended up looking plain dirty.
reflection: wakeboarders are funny creatures who provide a helluva lot entertainment and comedy.

i forgot all that i wanted to blog about.

so meanwhile,

and this pic is hot la!!

kahwin ah kahwin

2005-06-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

today i sat at a playground reading my book at 9pm at night. at the playground, there were siblings playing with each other. their mother, sitting at another bench like mine, was deep into a conversation on the phone. utterly absorbed. the girl beside me whispered, "confirm affair". i stared at her for a second and reflected, would you have this sort of a conversation with your husband, at a dark corner of a playground with your kids playing in gay abandonment in the background? no, didnt think so. so i looked back at the girl, widened my eyes and said, "affair?" to which she answered, "yah la, i think so. try to hear ah dorang nyer conversation"
true enough, ".... you ingat senang eh untuk i jumpe u? anak i holiday tau! considerate la siket!"
WHOA.

marriages are scary. are affairs inevitable? what happened to monogamy? WHat? stay with one guy for more then 2 mths? no way.. haha. did i mention marriages are scary?

somewhere inside the dustbin.. way down low

2005-06-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

today i discovered that people, both young and old, toothless or toothless, have friendship problems. i am past the stage where friendship is the only thing that matters. i am now at the stage where i realise that friends will be there in good times. full stop. so anyways. i went out with my mum and somehow we managed to be civil to each other but not unconsciously ok! i made a great and COnscious effort to be nice and a good daughter.

so while we were walking at bedok interchange, my mum said some stuff about how some of her friends are asses and stuff and i was like "may(what i call my mum), tua-tua pon ade friendship problem? mrepek ah. da tua releks sua la!" and my mum was like rambling on adn on abt how shitty some of her friends are.

then, when i was at my tuition kid's house, i allowed amelia to talk because i was too tired to care ah, so she was talking about how her friend "irritating la! she very bad you know".. well it seems that friends make you AND break you. you cant live with them(i don't mind. that sounds like a superb idea), you cant live without them.

by the way, i find it awfully sad when family members can communicate(HELLO! they are the freaking reason why you're on earth but hey maybe thats why you hate them) therefore i am quite irritated at myself for not forcing myself to grit my teeth and smile during the time i was with my mum. bad shaza BAD!

this holiday, i have done nothing but lepak a few corners.

H****T!!! attention! contact me or tag to tell me when you guys are ready for the SO because i have to CTH(code for: clean the house, i just wanted to sound all JANE bondsy) so that it'll be livable.

okay mates. good day

here is a pic of freaky people. enjoy.

izabel goulart.

2005-06-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

heard of izabel goulart? i doubt so but anyways, this are pics of her

well she's pretty hot huh.
but anorexic no DOUBt about it but guess what she said during her interview?

"If you could do one thing to change the world, it would be....
I believe that one of the saddest things in the world today is that some people don't have enough food to nourish themselves. It's the 21st century and that's really not acceptable, so if I could do something that would change that I would be really happy."

whoa!!! philanthropist or WHAT!? but truly ironic. just look at her. skin and bones(i love i love i love) and here she is blabbing about how people are not eating. izabel darling, look in the mirror. you are slightly dissilusioned if what you see in the mirror looks like someone well-fed.

you have GOT to check this out. GROSS. prepare yourselves. plastic bags whatever.
http://portfolios.models.com/-43465/

ok. today was great. walked all the way to 'bedok north' only to realise that we were still in my neighbourhood. WAY near. not bedok north. haha. walked for two hours. that was after our ****** meeting at rums and later at my house with hana and mun where we had our dinner. it was super cool la. and i had so much fun. we SHOULD have a sleepover. nobody is welcomed to gatecrash. do not count yourself invited. do not pass go. do not collect $200. haha. kebabians.

all we are saying is give peace a chance.

2005-06-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

i was on my way home from suntec when i started looking around me and being less oblivious. i looked at everyone's faces and posture. i looked at the way they were just merely there. present in body but not in spirit. these people, men and women work their asses off. they go to work 40+ hours weeks and with that amount, they just are barely able to survive. pay bills, medical fees, transportation, food and clothes and etc.
but is that what we want for life? just to continue the fact that we are alive? so are we just here to merely... exist? is that enough? is that why we're on earth? i don't get it. what happened to childhood dreams to change the world? why is the world forcing us to conform to the norm?
the norm being a person that studies for 12 yrs to work somewhere to continue to exist. wow. how im looking forward to that.
what right does the society have to say what is point out what is wrong and what is right?
the world 'respects' freedom and human rights and yet we are not allowed to do what we want. the existence of prisons and immigration speaks for itself. but once again i realise without conformity and rules and regulations, life will never be peaceful would it? so for the sake of peace, we have to forsake our freedom. what a price to pay.

what if she dies tmr?

2005-06-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

"ohhh its been a long long time.....but it seems i was never on time(?)....turn your lights down low...."

shaz oh shaz. if you were to die tomorrow. i'll bawl my eyes out for the next 10 years. no more madness like fuck. no more sleepovers. no more nonsense and no more bitching. no more watching sex filled movies. no ogling at ---s. no more gushing over cute toyboy. no more screaming for no reasons. there would be a void in my life. and in many others. you mean so much to everyone. cos you're funny and you cheer people up as easy as A B C. you're caring, patient, etc etc (ok this is starting to sound like the thing people read at funerals. what's it called again?). IF YOU DIE, I HAVE TO FIND A BEST FRIEND TO REPLACE YOU. BUT SEE, NO ONE CAN FUCKING REPLACE YOU SHAZ! you're my fashion crisis helper, my okay-lets-save-money-and-buy-this-and-that buddy and you're my fellow fendi lover. esp the monogram shades. sigh, the sexy monogram shades. shaz, if you wake up tmr and you're in hell, and i dont care if it is said you only have a 14% chance, i'll always remember u as the girl i skipped school with, the ones i rummed with, the one i laughed at minahs,mats,assholes,weirdos with, the one who made life so fucking funny and the one who looked out for me. haha omg so emo. i'll end here. love you shazzzzzy!

lucy in the sky with diamonds.

2005-06-09T00:03:00.000+08:00

i wonder how people spell the situation i am in. thats right!! s-c-r-e-w-e-d

i am so blardie in trouble because i have yet to finish my o-level coursework for fnn. and it was due abt a year ago maybe. well actually. last wednesday.

i've been thinking alot. i've been asked a couple of times as to whether i have ever been in love. nope. nada. not at all. and then i think again and hmm.maybe i have.
is love the fluttering feeling you get in your heart when you see you loved one? or in my case, loved ones? is love the sinking feeling you get and the heartache you suffer when your loved one(S) are in trouble or not in good shape?
if there is no real definition as to what love is, then how do you know it is? how sure are you? what if you mistake some other feeling for love? does love fade? is it supposed to? i want to ask cupid. what is love? there is such a thing in the dictionary. yes. and yet there is no defn. there is no parameters to measure love by. there are no symptoms or signs because 'everyone loves in their own way'.. so what exactly does that mean? that love is unfathomable?

ok rambling to the max. bottomline. my question is. if you don't know what love really is. how do you know it is love? could it not be another unfathomable feeling?

cmon guys. tell me. does love really exist or is it a figment of mans imagination to fill the empty void in himself? to complete himself. with something that is not tangible.

sometimes i feel that love is super cheesy and an obligation of man's. just because in the past, there was romeo and juliet, samson and delilah, pocahontas and captain smith, man feel that he has to fulfill that 'need' or 'hunger for love' my foot ah. i havent seen creme brulee and do i hunger for it? something you've never felt, seen or touched.. do you hunger for it because you truly want it or because of what people say? like descriptions of tender roasted chicken(or for those vegetarians, falafel) could make you salivate because of the vivid description right?
why want something you've been able to live and make do without? something that you are not quite sure exists. why risk the disappointment? why disillusionise yourself and let yourself go through all the pain. why fake infatuation and desire and like and other feelings for love?

but. hah.. me me..
ask yourself again.

wind. can you see it? touch it? assure that it is tangible? no. and yet. you know its there. you cant capture it or materialise it and yet you are sure it is there right? hm. once again. i have achieved contradicting myself.

i am not asking to not believe in love. i am just trying to look beyond skin deep. im choosing not to be the materialist that i am. i am speculating. i am rambling. i am out of my mind. i am not thinking properly.. address it as you may..... but believe in love because. i love real madrid. and i KNOW it.

2005-06-08T00:21:00.000+08:00

jennifer garner and michael vartan are the hottest people around. why oh why arent they a couple anymore? the world is so unfair.
alias is the best show ever.

today-day

2005-06-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

i remarked to rad just now, "bedok contains only chinese and malays. im serious, i've not seen much indians around here. its been at least a week" and lo and behold.. 3 indian guys were spotted. HAH.
onwards, after i sent rad to the bus stop, i saw 4 mixed ppl. turned out to be my neighbours. supposedly hot people. i cant stand mixed-people-who-knows-they're-hot-and-acts-like-theyre-damn-super-hot. urgh.
they are my numero uno enemies. not talking abt my neighbours. my neighbours are fine. im talking about mixed-people-who-knows-theyre-hot-and-act-like-theyre-super-hot.

me mun and hana are tight as two(or rather 3) titties in a push up bra. haha. got tht frm the movie, she hate me. which is an incredibly draggy show with super brief sex scenes and abundant with hot girls and not-so-hot guys. do not watch it.

nothing much happened today so ive nothing much to reflect about. but here are some pics taken from the gig!

2005-06-06T14:17:00.000+08:00

Friends are like underwear, always near you.
Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you.
Best friends are like Viagra, lift you up when you are down

yesterday. was adel's gig. so me and mun(albeit late) made our way downtown. HAHA. to substation and moshed our way in. yeah rite la. we la two scaredy cats of the world. we almost went into a bitchfit when we saw the people mosh. then of course the most interesting part were the weirdos of the world coming to unite. there were nerds, f***tards(haha only one!), coolios, minahs, farihin-lookalike aka furball, weirdos, hotties(not much at all) and

of course there was us. neither here not there. not one of the weirdos. not one of the coolios. and god we hope so much, not one of the nerds. we are the normalians. there to lend support to mun's lover and fellow caliban-lover, adel. the turnout i heard was great so i guess it was an utter success.

i guess what made yesterday so fun was the fact that we were normal-dressed thus making us NOT normal at a place where everyone else dressed up. which is good cos i feed on attention. and i found a hot boy there with the cool hat. and i saw a skinny boy there. which was hot. so basically im a girl with raging hormones. bottom line.

conclusion: gigs are a cool way to people watch without being obvious because the people are oblivious.

next time we go, i'll remember to wear shoes not sandals and we will mosh and body surf. hmm. maybe not.

2005-06-05T01:48:00.000+08:00

and my blog timing is all wrong. its 1:48 in the morning.

2005-06-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

my life has revolved on only one question

when will i get my monoscripted fendi shades?

what i like

2005-06-05T01:30:00.000+08:00

does anybody know how to make blogskins? if you do...

i like
mark wahlberg
supermodels
karolina kurkova
gisele bundchen
too many more models
smith from sex and the city
eminem
real madrid
football
rome
travelling
black and brown
books
victoria beckham
foreign films
guillaume canet
hot bodies
hot people
cafes and pizzerias
fine dining

shazagiler@hotmail.com!

the peacock

2005-06-05T00:33:00.000+08:00

today, on the way somewhere, i saw a creature at the bus stop. at first i thought it was an apprentice geisha, as the mentioned has been quoted as the most colourfully costumed in the region, but no unfortunately it was not.

'it' was a minah. a full-blown one at that. she looked as thought she had spent a few hundred bucks to look like a two-cent whore. she also looked like she had spent some time in a hooker's wardrobe(in the dark) and picked an outfit for herself. her makeup im sure was put on by a professional chinese opera actress.

ok let me TRY to explain her outfit.
from the top. her hair kept getting into her eyes, im was so sure she was trying to get an eye infection.
she had a wifebeater in the inside and an off-neck shirt outside which looked halfway decent had it not been paired with a
skirt that looked that it had once been a long one and had now been cut wit very-blunt scissors. furthermore, someone dragged it through dirt and thrash thus the dirt stains and also some painters werent being too careful resluting(i meant to type resulting but it seems my keyboard agrees with me) in paint drops and sprays on her skirt.
then, to top it all off, she wore fishnet stockings she stole from a prostitute and guess what? im not sure if it was meant to be but her stockings had very big holes in them. do they really want to expose their skin by wearing something? well i guess guys are weird. they like girls to cover themselves with revealing clothes? haha.
her shoes were hot though.

i kept staring at her and she kept looking at me to see if i was looking. and evrytime she almost caught me i would just close my eyes cos there was no time to look elsewhere. weird not?

nanannananaa..

2005-06-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050603092359-897091

a thinking conversation.

part 1:
die says:
you know i thnk it's so amusing when in pri school.there's "best friends" "forever friends"
jieming should just go and die says:
den think about it now, it's like all gone
REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:
cmon la.. in sec. skool ppl still believe in "we'll be friends till we get married" .. haha yeah right
die says:
but i like their way of thinking
cos only when you believe ,there's hope and it will be true one dae

part 2:
die says:
i always question myself why not have a religion.
i'm still wondering why.
i know what everyone tells me it's great being a christian.or believe in some other religion but
to me.i think when you believe in god.it just makes you feel there's a point and there's someone out there.when there's actually no one down there
REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:
i guess some ppl need the assurance that after this life there is something else. that there is one road you must follow. so that they dont feel too lost maybe?
REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:
sometimes people dont want to be given too many choices because they dont trust themselves. with a religion, the road is well mapped for them. so they feel more assured. more confident that life has a meaning. to convince themselves that there is something better waiting for them

i thought i was spurting out bullshit when i was injected with the realisation(snigger syah snigger) that maybe what im saying is true. there is a tinge of possibility, no?

i've got lots to say. just forgot. bye.

cool word both meanings.

2005-06-03T01:56:00.000+08:00

sababa
In Arabic it means shibby, cool, great, no problem, all-right.

kau ah monster!

2005-06-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

i hate ah blogspot. how the hell do i upload my pics? well you sniggerer.. forgive me for not being a comp whore.
today i watched 'monster in law'. thanks faradila for sponsoring.
anyway, as usual the movie was NOT the highlight.
i, the loser who seriously has nothing to do, decided to count how many minahs there were at tampines lost count after about 2o something minahs because of several incidents

incidente numero uno:
mat and minah walking around metro. lets give them names.. ahmad and aminah. ok so ahmad and aminahhaving fun being all lovey-dovey when suddenly, out of a sudden(so redundant right?).. another minah comes into the picture. ahmad winks at the girl who could prolly be deemed sexy and makes eyes at her. aminah freaking saw!!! and they were in the midst of a mini-comfrontation when they heard the titters of a stranger(me) and decided to bring it outside. DAMN i should have been more discreet i guess.

incidente numero dos:
a guy grabs me by the shoulders, i gasp and he says "SHAZ!".. den im like uh-oh who is he? but im like "YAH.. YOU!" den we contnued with awkward questions like "so schooling huh? still small la you. schooling where?" and me going "cedar." he going. "smart eh, kau?" me going. "uh. tak. kau lagi pandai la" what the hell was i thinking? he dropped out of ite because, "sialla, kau tak tau sak shaz! susah tau ITE!!"
man i so do not have anything against ITE. in fact i LOVE ite mats. but not him.
so as we were having our slowly warming up little chat, his gf comes along and wraps her arm around him oh so tightly.. marking her territory. before she said anything, i decided to be bitchy and said "eh. dont worry la. wont steal your property. i mean tak curik la!" and smiled. yes i wanted her to think that i thought she didnt understand english. den i ended off "ok man(pronounced as MAN like in mandai zoo) see you around". but i didnt know his name.

incidente numero tres:
some guy wanted to get to know my cousin(married) and she decided to tell him that im her daughter. he was so freaked he left without saying anything. faradila is 23 and looks young and way hot. that was quite funny.

ok. had fun today. hope you did too. actually i dont. i have better things to hope about. bye.

my take

2005-06-02T01:06:00.001+08:00

mari kita swim swim kat dalam kolam aku pasal aku kan cool jadi aku punya kolam pon kool ah ape lagi! abeh hari ni kan panas macam mahu mampos sudah tentu kita harus bermandi manda bersama! communal swimming.
my take on friendships.
there are many types of friendships basically(not counting hi-bye friends)
1.mutual
2.parasitis
3.toxic

mutual friendships:

symptoms:
both parties(consenting) have a great friendship together. they learn, grow, have fun, swim, cry, laugh, wade, bitch, spend, shop, eat, visit, live, breathe... all together. their friendship is pretty much good. they met through a mutual friend maybe.. go to the same school maybe?
they fight sometimes but usually after a few days everything returns to normal or even better than before. they sort of love each other. in a good way. they are special to each other. they mean a lot to each other. they consult each other about life n death decisions(eg. what to wear or what to eat or should i say hi). they hang out at least twice a week(only if the schedule doesnt consent more)
dates that show impending damage and doom of friendship... these are dates to look out for so that you can start scouting for a new bff:
there are three parts to this

(part1) i've gotten bored of you, we have nothing to talk about anymore. now we've gotta fight over little things or silence will prevail and you know how people hate silences date:
this part of the friendship is quite painful because you cant believe that the friendship that you thought was going to last forever is turning into a mini-nightmare. this part usually comes one or two years after reaching g-spot(or orgasm) of friendship.

(part2)we worked our old probs but now we're too lazy to try. we dont talk much no more. we hate each other. mutually of course:): you're pissed your not-so-significant other is not trying hard enough to keep the friendship together. 'why am i the only one trying' seems familiar? this part prevails a few months or weeks or maybe a year after part one ends.

(part3): ive got a bf now/ive got new friends now/ive a kid now/ive a life now/abbrev:is topped caring...., so now instead of making excuses for not meeting you, i can just not meet you and i dont have to waste my once a week sms to you no more.: this is gradual beware.. abt a minute after you solve part 2, part three starts.

pain level: hurts much. 8 on a scale of 1-10. the reason for the intense pain is due to dependency on the drug i mean friend. furthermore, the power of memory a person has further aggravates the pain when the patient i mean the person remembers abt times long past.. times spent with friend by the beach or at the canteen. the wad-happened-we-were-so-close-thoughts keep coming. but eventually cease to exist.

conclusion:
the disease oops i mean the friendship is pretty much good. you both benefit from it. its not so ugly.

good luck with that!

parasitis friendship: as the name suggests. this is a one-way friendship. quite laymanly, only one party benefits. examples of such friendships
1.rich friend(victim)+average friend(parasite)
2.popular kid(victim, how does it feel to be on the other side of the table bitch!)+otherwise unpopular kid(parasite)
3.pushover(victim)+bossy asswipe(parasite)

prognosis: these friendships last very long. teh victims are either oblivious or reluctant to change anything as it is easier to continue the arrangement albeit sickening to the stomach(same reason why there are still alot of married people. they stay together cos theyre reluctant to change. to have to clean up mess)

pain level: its a slow killer. sufferer might not even know he/she is suffering from the disease(jeez.. i keep messing this up.. i mean friendship)

medical advice: get out right now!

toxic friendships: what all types of friendships sum up to. both parties hate each other and kill each other softly unless they are smart and simply seek medication i.e. to say get out of the friendship ASAP once it starts showing signs of the final stage. man i sound like im talking about some kind of terminal disease liek aids. or gonorrhea or syphillis. well we can safely say this is the end product of all relationships. this is the part where the friendships simply kaphish into the air.

trust me you will know when your friendship has reached this stage. it'll be like a scab. a nagging bitch. like an irritating animal you just wanna kick away.

pain level: you might feel some pain in the ass.

have i missed any other types of friendships? never you mind. just know that everything ends up being toxic, as stated above.

man i hate people who think negatively about friendships! yes, pun intended.
i hate people who hate!

2005-05-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

there was this girl in primary school, rafta aliya, nicest name i'd ever heard then. i dont know why but suddenly i realise now that she's wise beyond her years yet childish. because i was just thinking about things and it occured to me that oh my god. this is what she said was gonna happen. and it did. she was also the coolest kid in school. all guys including gays in my p. school wanted to stead her.
the motocycle diaries(sorry wanted to remind myself to buy this dvd)
so anyways where were we?
ok so

Your Deadly Sins
Greed: 40%
Sloth: 40%
Envy: 20%
Gluttony: 0%
Lust: 0%
Pride: 0%
Wrath: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%
You will die love and feared by many. And you'll be buried in a tomb.

sorry got distracted
btw i hate ppl who take extra seats on buses tooo!!! paed! URGH man.. i always always ask people to allow me to sit even if i didnt really want to sit. i abhor such mothers(u noe the accompanying word).. ARGH. and if i dont wanna go through all that hassle i'll just mutter under my breath or to te person next to me.. man singaporeans are inconsiderate.. or. i'll ask the auntie(its always the 'no pork no lard community' ppl i tell you) and say. auntie ah.. ur bag pay for bus seat ah?

ooh eee oooh ah ah

2005-05-29T00:58:00.000+08:00

urgh. im trying to freaking upload an image! give me a freaking break techno shit! alamak! so irritating. so many pictures i have that i'd like to share with the world. alas. techno shit has me upping and ending.

anyways.theres this someone who is damn disgusting. someone who thinks im damn interested in his/her life. someone who feeds me abouth his/her life and totally bores me to an early grave. god give this people realisation that they kill people with their words. just like how the fugees anticipated.. "killing me softly with his words.. tearing my whole life with his song.. " well it goes something liek that doesnt it? yeah well... its damn true i realise. you can DIE from disgust. you can DIE from boredom. its seriously no joke when someone moans about how bored they are they could die. its no exaggeration, friends and foes. if you've heard of people dying from grief, you'll soon hear some dying of boredom at the rate this is going.

just watched the beach. for the upteenth time. i just love it you know? its so beautiful yet so depressing. its so true.. if you dont feel pain, you wont know pleasure even if it bites you in the butt. yupp.. so dont complain when you have trubles and such cos its only purpose is to remind you of pleasure

football constipation

2005-05-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

this morning. i watched the liverpool vs a.c. milan match. the match that a.c. milan was sure to win. the trophy truly belonged to a.c. milan. or so i thought. man the match was so perverse! so.. frustrating. exciting. made me delirious. happy. irritated. shocked. enthused. stimulated(not tht way perv!). enlivened. electrified. incited. oh god the words to describe the feelings that dominated my body!!! arhhh!!! so 54 seconds into the match while i was still adjusting myself on the bed, maldini scored. maldini. you know maldini? yes the captain of a.c. milan that has undergone extreme scrutinization by the italian public(read: italians=football watchers) due to his nondescript footie skills. he is the glue of the team. nothing else. but this morning. a part of him woke up. he scored. wahhhh!!!!!!!! it was startling and incredible at the same time. i was quite overwhelmed. couldnt sit still for awhile.
then before my breath could return to normal, crespo oh crespo scored two goals. play-maked by kaka. oh that guy another power to the maximum. i hate offsides. i seriously do not understand the true logic of offsides. what the hell is so important about reaching the ball in front or behind your pursuer?
anyways, i decline to digress. seriously boys and girls. who would expect that after the fifteen minutes of breaktime, things could turn so adverse, wrong and ugly?
liverpool. many faces flash before your eyes. owen(no more), kewell(only because he's cute), stevie(captain what! of course lah must flash in your head!),

i'll continue my update another day. too sleepy. good night

race matters

2005-05-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

i think its awfully racist for some guys of one particular race not to catcall and things of that nature to girls of another race.
stupendously. utterly. irresitably. godawfully racist. Egads! oh my god.
its like. when you see a group of guys, your stomach tightens, your breath quickens, you play with something. ANYThing just to look casual and nonchalant. but inside... only god knows what you're going through. then suddenly. you realise they're people of a different race. you slouch. your breath goes back to normal. you even look at them in the eye. they too, realising that you're not of their kind, go back to what they were doing in the first place. the scene ends without a climax. kkebabians.

i will clean up one day

2005-05-24T01:02:00.001+08:00

prepare for a negative and vent-ty blog entryis it true that sometimes, we want something so bad that we imagine wehave it? or perhaps, we illusionise mayhem and happenings in our livesthat in all actuality, is not really quite there? we exaggerateanything that actually happens so as to blind ourselves from truereality.to make ourselves believe that we have not failed in life. byimagining that our life is more exciting than what it really is. do weactually do all these to lull our boredom or more accurately, block outunwanted negativity that comes from our real lives. the one that isboring,filled with nothingness and void of any true feelings and nadapassion. are all of us disillusionised? cheated by our own selves? thatis truly one scary thought. so what is really and truly true if we canteven believe ourselves. what can we trust then? could feelings andthoughts of ours be evoked by some sort of trigger in ourselves that isprovoked by boredom? feelings of love, hurt and anger all surface in amoment of boredom. absurd but could be true no?why am i thinking so deeply and filling this space with these trulyunthought thoughts of mine? blame it on the swimming pool. no not theone in my backyard(i have one?), im talking about the movie, the frenchmovie. let me retell it in my own way. why else is there literature ifyou can't tell and interpret something uniquely?the swimming pool as told by me. a middle-aged writer finds herself at her publisher's summer house infrance when she complains about her lack of inspiration. as her'inspiration-seeking stay' unfolds, it gets all the more exciting,perhaps too exciting to be true. things get more happening when this nubile 18-ish girl(the publisher'sdaughter) comes to stay there as well, unexpectedly of course. thewoman, lets call her Morton because i've forgotten her name, anyway,she feels that this julie, the girl, is an utter disturbance anddistraction. how else would you describe a girl that brings homedifferent guys every night and having love sweet love with them thusreminding you of the lack of sex, more accurately any hint of a sociallife in your own life? painful, no? moving on, morton decides to write a story based on julie and its notabout how good she is trust me. so unfortunately(or rather fortunately)julie gets hold of te script and decides to steer the story by creatingsome action. yada yada yada. conveniently, she kills a man(i sayconvenient because morton is a murder sex money writer). so at last,morton gets her story without knowing that julie knows and julie goesoff. when she comes back to london, she goes to the publisher's officeand meets the actual julie. the julie that makes her realise that the'julie' she met in france was just a figment of imagination thattriggered her inspiration thus her ability to write fluidly. bravo piece of an arty film.something that utterly bothered me today. egads(such a lovely word!)a typical nice guy turned into a damn-going-to-ruin-his-life mat..[SpIrAL]. says:i started smoking heheheeREAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:smoking is so bcos u wanna be cool right?.[SpIrAL]. says:nah....[SpIrAL]. says:then aku macam nak try lah.[SpIrAL]. says:then memang it tastes fucking GOOD!!REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:how long have u?.[SpIrAL]. says:3 days.[SpIrAL]. says:5 packsREAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:how do u pay for it.[SpIrAL]. says:ade lahREAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:can u please please stop!REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:smoking sucks!REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:when u kissur mouth tastes like fucking shitwhen u slit tastes like fucking SHIT.[SpIrAL]. says:thats why i always have a mentosREAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:the taste is still there la pls2nd,if ur not addicted yet,STOP.if u r sTOP.cos it wastes money, it makes u unfit and ugly.[SpIrAL]. says:well its good for my soul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:oh pleaSE.[SpIrAL]. says:i feel enlightenedREAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:wht the hell,burnt maybe.REAL MADRID for la liga espanyol(next season)! says:ni budak hisap rokok sumer kental lah! step kool tak jadiim pissed. you better stop mamat!ok done for tonight. egads! or urm,good night.

a story?

2005-05-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

wow. two entries simultaneously? im getting too bored here.i cleaned up my room ah today! it is way clean! paedorah is on he wayhere. i bet she wil stink to the highest heavens cos after all, she just finished HER x-country of 2.5km(that you call x-country?)yesterday i did myself proud. i refused to chase after the baskets that ran past me during my cross country. usually thats what i do. when someone passes me, i run faster and outrun them just to prove to myslef im better than them. but yesterday i realised it was pointless. i shouldnt be competing with them. i should be having fun. so i ran at my own pace and i did pretty well i suppose for a non-season runner. i have hidden talents eh? too hidden.i took off the dirty curtains and hell the room is so much brighter rather than when sunlight filtered through the incredibly soiled(not by anything but dust) curtains.i cleared up alot of papers and got sidetracked about a million tmes, reading letters people wrote me, my old debate scripts, my old drama scripts. ah twas fun. but more than anything else, i hate cleaning up. well actually i hate waiting too, i also hate people who go overboard and also not having a book to read. well hmm maybe cleaning up is not too bad.i'd like to relate to you something. everytime i think about something in the past, i always have dusty film running through my mind's eye. my past memories are always in black and white OR brown. is that weird or weird? it just shows how imaginative my mind is. i realise that i have read alot of very good books none of which are on my bookshelves. i hate people who borrow books and don't return them. they so totally irk me.
a story.
his eyes were piercing. dark-rimmed eyes that were penetrating. making you feel as though you were naked and he could read just about every little dirty secret that you had. he had devilishly good looks and a hunky body to compliment that. but there was something just a little off about him. something that made me feel, no, don't get involved with him. perhaps it was in his smile. a smile that was winning and yet, at the same time, scary. and his knowing glances, perhaps he could really read what i was thinking. i turned. only to catch his reflection in the mirror behind me. i walked towards the door, feeling his eyes on my back. he was gorgeous, hot and looked to be rich. but i had sworn off guys and no way was i going to break my own pact 20 mins after making it. it was not that i hated guys or anything like that. i just hated relationships. it was overbearing, irritating and way more than i could handle. and now, was definitely not the time.
i was too young and i wanted more out of life than stupid love, something im not even quite sure, existed. so far, i had never met anyone that had been in love for more than 2 years thus crossing out the fact that it was love from the start. it was periphescence. this word itself means nothing. the state of which however, is what most of us can relate to. it causes giddiness, elation, a tickling on the chest wall, the urge to shout out in happiness and smile at complete strangers. periphescence denotes the initial drugged and happy time in which you 'feel' that you are in 'love sweet love'. it feels like a lake of warmth flooding up from your abdomen to your chest. much as you'd like it to last, it holds on no longer than 2 years, tops. after which you begin to see your lover at a vantage point, seeing him or her in new light, anew. you begin to see your lover's flaws and shortcomings. ah now you feel stupid.
enough of my digression. well so i was at the door already, almost safe from him when i felt a cold hand on my shoulders. i knew who it was before i even turned. i dared not turn but his insistence made me have to. well not really. as i've told you he is incredibly hot and no way was i going to be stupid and not lap up the chance to orgasm just by staring into the pools of passion he had, called eyes. and so i turned, trying my best to give a nonchalant look, one which was extremely hard for me to give seeing that my stomach was already giving somersaults fit to win the olympics.
my bag. that was why he took after me. to return my bag to the rightful owner. in my nervousness, i had left it where i had been sitting. trust me for being so darn forgetful. whyw as i so upset? perhaps because i was expecting him to drop a line on me or ask for my number. now i was seriously beginning to question my sanity. did i want him or not? if not, then why was i feeling dejected? was it simply ego? attraction? or something that i could not yet fathom?

dont remember when i did this

2005-05-24T01:01:00.000+08:00

good morning. its been awhile hasnt it? well lets take a look what has been happening.debatemid year examsx-countrysex and the citytutoring tutoring tutoringalot of time spent around paedorahreal madrid's lossseveral mishaps and happeningsboring to the max but.. livable. i guess its been average. maybe a bit above average. to know that there are a few people around that you can rely on notwithstanding yourself of course. there's been a few things that has happened these past few weeks that has boosted my esteem.. yay!its time to enjoy isnt it? june holidays are coming up and ive got a few stuff i'd like to get off my mind during this time. i think or at least i hope that i'll et a job somewhere. definitely something that wont affect my current job. i need moolahs and it aint gonna come by easily.i snubbed my toe. and now its all blue and black. painful but not to the max. i wanted to say, "painful to the MAX!" but i guess id be way exaggerating. i think that we exaggerate alot you know? when anything happens. we'll be like AAH OOOH!!! but seriously its nothing. oh no blogging juice running out.i dont know why i view things that doesnt matter way too seriously and blow it up into such big proportions. and when it comes to serious stuff, i totally slack off.there's been alot of things i totally regret doing this year even though its just what? may? yeah. but well, theres a silver lining in every cloud and i guess i just so have got to like, learn from it. all that cliche shit yeah.there so many things i want to get and i should be able to afford it right since im SUPPOSED to have money but just as the world is round, ive got none.i realise something bad alWAYS happens on the days of X-country. every year(exaggeration juice kicking in), or at least two.ok now some bitchy sightings..yesterday, me and paedorah were at macs and there was a mother and son(cute kid of abt 3), outside macs. confirm abes anak luar nikah. so anyways, we realised that her thong was so obvious. and it was black and white stripey thingy an it looked as though she had stolen it from a zebra's hind. so we were like so staring and finding for men that stared as well. we only saw two or three guys that totally was engrossed at checking her ass out. and now i realise, people, singaporeans in particular or anyone that is not me and paedorah are rather oblivious to their surroundings. i mean hello! had they been more observant, theyd had catched a wonderful/funny/embarassing(depends on your gender) sighting. but alas, they didnt. we tried to help these poor, unknowing strangers but they refuse to follow our rather obvious gestures.BABI AH!ah stupid shit ah. i download some songs so long, skali no sound.i've got loadsa shit to talk about. i guess tjhis is just a test trial. its beenmore than a month since i've last bloggd on the now deceased *****slife.blogdrive.com. im taking extra precautions now.good day mates